Everyone has a rough patch in their relationships that is normal, it’s no secret and if your relationship is happy and secure you can overcome that period of time.
Your relationship is your safe place that holds you steady when life becomes a challenge, it’s the person you turn to for that reassuring hug that everything will work out.
They are in your corner cheering you on, they are your safe haven in the storm and you weather that storm together.
There is a huge difference between that relationship and one that is unhealthy, toxic and is causing you to doubt yourself and giving you low self-esteem.
Your relationship should not be draining you of your energy or causing you moments of anxiety and uncertainty. Your partner should be the reason you smile, not the reason you cry. Always remember that!
If your relationship is causing you to spiral down and you are afraid to accept that is the case it could be your partner is the cause of the damage to your mental well-being and how you see yourself.
Here are some signs to look out for:
1. You’re not comfortable openly stating your personal opinions
In a solid loving relationship, no one should ever feel fear to express their emotions or opinion. It should always be transparent, open and honest.
If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells around them and live in fear of what they may say or do in reaction to something you say then the relationship is in serious trouble.
Do not allow yourself to be controlled and walked over. Being like this is not the real you and this partner is absolutely not right for you.
2. You often feel neglected or uncared for
You should never feel alone in a relationship. Your partner should be your support and lover at all times. You should feel loved and cared for, you should above all feel safe.
If you feel that you have to beg for attention or they ignore your needs why be with someone who is so dismissive of your needs and emotions.
Your partner is supposed to inspire you to be all you can be, they should adore you and never be the cause of pain or loneliness. You are worth so much more than what they are willing to give you, so be with some who gives you that and not someone who is cold and only feeds their own needs.
3. You feel like he wants to change who you are
If you feel you have to change who you are as a person when around them ask yourself why do you have to do that? They should love you for who you are flaws and all.
In some circumstances people change not only their behavior but also their appearance at their partners bidding and they do so to keep the peace, and before you know it the ‘real’ you has disappeared and you really don’t know who you are anymore.
The right partner would never ask this of you, remember that.
4. You don’t feel like yourself when you are around him (biggest red flag!)
Ask your friends to describe you to see what they say, you will most likely hear things like ‘amazing, loving, genuine, happy, gorgeous smile, a heart of gold, full of energy, never mean-minded.’
Now ask your partner how they describe you, what they see in you and see if anything matches up.
When you are with your partner do you feel tired, almost drained to the point of empty, if you do its because they are sucking the life out of you.
Do you find yourself faking a smile just so they don’t think you are miserable and it prompts them to start asking questions you’d rather not answer.
Do you find yourself going along with things you’d rather not do, just to keep the peace?
If you find yourself feeling all of that then your mental health has slowly been declining and you feel all these odd even negative emotions that would never have happened before.
A relationship is supposed to be your safe haven, not a battleground. It is time to pick yourself up and leave, you need to leave for your own sake and for the sake of your mental health.
It won’t be easy, leaving never is, but better to be alone than in a relationship that changes who you are and you are left wondering if that person even existed.