Leaving the toxic relationship is a difficult and emotional experience for anyone. We have all no doubt been through bad breakups before, but it can never compare to one that is the result of a narcissist.
Our emotions and chaotic at best, we feel ashamed and want to hide away from the world and not talk to anyone about it.
You begin to have this internal war in your mind that affects you not just emotionally but physically too.
For so long you have been isolated from those you love, you had this insular world made for you by the narcissist and now you don’t know how to even communicate with your family and friends.
The daily abuse you endured of having your thoughts and feelings denied and marginalized you may find that you do the exact same behavior to yourself.
There is no quick fix for how you are feeling, recovering from a narcissist takes a long time, and I often question if we are ever truly recovered, for me it is more a case of I have faced the demons left behind and I have silenced them, but I am fully aware they can be easily awoken if I am triggered by something, I find it helps me knowing that should they appear I haven’t in any way failed at my recovery, I am just taking another step in the road of recovery.
The most important thing we can do for ourselves is to be kind, love ourselves and know that what has happened is not our fault. The blame lies completely with the narcissist.
Nobody heals the same way, there is no real guidebook on this, if only! We can talk to others who have gone through the same experience and they will be the ones who understand what you are thinking and feeling, we can tell our friends and family but unless they have lived through it they will struggle to understand and that isn’t their fault as they may well be struggling coming to terms with what has happened to you and be angry with themselves for not seeing what was going on.
Don’t be afraid to join groups or forums that are available with other survivors, even if you just sit in the group and read what others say until you feel confident enough to post, it’s surprising how reading someone’s post can help you understand that you are not alone.
Equally, seek professional help if you feel that would help you. I found my therapist extremely good and well informed. She never rushed me and never said that I should be moving on etc. I saw my therapist for over 4 years and I still have the option to go back and see her if I feel the need to.
There are some survivors who prefer to face what has happened alone, they feel more comfortable doing it this way. It’s a tough road to take and some say the most painful, it is all a matter of choice.
There is no right or wrong way for your recovery, the way you do it and the time it takes is all down to you, never let anyone rush you.
How you heal and the time it takes is determined by you. You have control, something that was taken from you for so long, so in that action alone you are taking some of your power back.
You will find yourself over time changing and growing into who you want to be. Yes, you will have some setbacks, false starts, a few detours and most certainly moments of ‘I can’t do this anymore’.
You can heal, you can fight, you can win.
Don’t give up ever, you are back in control and you are worth the battle.