It seems like everywhere you turn these days there are articles about narcissism and this is with good reason.
As more and more of us recognise that we have a narcissist in our lives or have had one and at the time didn’t know it, we find our eyes opened to the horror they inflict.
There are plenty of articles about partners, mother’s father’s etc but very little about the potential friends is our lives who could be narcissists.
Narcissists lack empathy and they are skilled in the art of deception, they always appear to be able to get out of the damage they cause by lying and blaming those around them.
Friends can be narcissists too and we really do need to open our eyes to that.
Here are some red flags to look out for:
Selfies, selfies everywhere
I’m not talking just a few pictures here, this is about a ridiculous number of selfies every damn day and plastered all over social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snap chat, Google or Tumblr. it’s the ‘look at me’ scenario, ‘aren’t I wonderful’ and oh the whining if you miss one of the pictures to like!
They thrive and enjoy talking about other people and their imperfections
Got a friend in the circle who is a stunner? Then your narcissist friend will make a beeline for talking shit about them, it’s how they make themselves feel better, in their eyes, they are the amazing one, jealous much?
They are the ultimate insecure people
Oh, the stories they come out with can leave your head spinning, and when you challenge them over the lies, they make up even more incredible stories to counteract the lie from before. Someone who is secure in themselves has no reason to lie and certainly have no reason to lie about others.
Narcissistic friends see themselves as superior, “special” compared to others
Got a friend that is always putting other people down? They do this as a way to devalue other people, they insist on being the centre of attention and if you don’t follow their lead, they feel betrayed by you, they will expect you to agree with everything they say and do.
No empathy is a great sign that there is no emotional connection from your narcissistic friend. They can’t put themselves in the position of others, so should one of your circle be having a hard time and you are spending time with them, the narcissist will accuse them of attention seeking.
Gaslighting. A narcissistic friend will do this to crush you
You know something had been said or done, yet your narcissistic friend will be telling you it didn’t happen, or something was never said, they will even go as far as to say you’re crazy, you eventually get to the point where you doubt yourself.
They will play games with you and your circle and enjoy watching the fallout. They will pit you against each other, telling different stories to each of you. Then when chaos is in play they sweep in as the so-called ‘voice of sense’ to save the day looking as if they have done nothing at all to cause this. It isn’t until you all start breaking it down together that you see what they have done.
They make you feel like you are the guilty one
They manipulate, control and attack, which causes negative emotions and this feeds into their need for drama and control. They lay guilt on you by the truckload and they love when you feel the need to apologise for something you haven’t even done. Don’t apologise! And remove yourself from their life.
They are not just a little problem in your life, they are a huge problem and if you have them in your circle you will find life draining and there will be very little times of happiness. Planning an event? talk to your other friends about keeping quiet about it and exclude the damn narcissist as you know they literally love to shit all over anything that could be special for you.
Me me, me
All they do is talk about themselves, how great their life is, how wonderful they are, what a good friend they are. Only their life will be valid and yours is of no importance at all. They have no problem just walking all over you as to them you are a means to an end. To them, they are the only one of any significance in the circle of friends.
Time to get a new circle, right?
Remove this so-called ‘friend’ from your life and no you don’t need to explain yourself when you do it either.
Once you remove toxic people from your life, you will be amazed how much life improves and that is no more than you deserve.
Take your self-esteem back. Firm up your boundaries and dump your toxic friends once and for all.