Some people do stay friends with their ex after the relationship ends its not such a ‘do not do it’ scenario. Yet when the relationship ends badly and abuse is involved it is always best to make a clean break.
There are however situations where the ex-won’t let go as you ended it before they were ready to and it didn’t end of ‘their terms’.
The ex’s that won’t let go has this need to cling on to you and they have narcissistic tendencies.
Once you become aware the person you are with is a narcissist your need to break away from them for your own mental health is what pushes you to leave them, and that means you haven’t left when they have finished with you feeding their needs.
You have damaged their hugely inflated ego and you no longer being around means they have to start all over again on a new victim before they are ready to do so.
They are smooth talkers and they believe that if they stay around you that you will change your mind and return to them, they really can’t comprehend that you are now wise to them as they see they have done nothing wrong.
They want to continue with their mind games, making you feel worthless and that everything that goes wrong is all your fault, narcissists never take responsibility for their actions.
They need you, but they will never admit they need you, and letting go has to be on their terms.
The most disturbing thing about a narcissist is their unwillingness to just let you go, even when they know you have seen them for who they truly are they have this blinkered view that they can talk you round and that all will be forgiven.
You may find that they are clinging onto you from a distance initially via mutual friends, finding out how you are and what you are doing, then once they feel they have enough information make you fully aware that they know all about what is going on with you under the pretence of how much they care and that they just want to know you are okay.
Narcissists are unable to accept any kind of rejection and your leaving is a rejection in their mind and that means they have to do all within their power to change that rejection which can be dangerous for you.
If you are unwilling to take them back or even engage in any kind of communication with them, they quickly change from being the ‘nice person’ trying to make things work to attack mode.
They will use everything they have at their disposal. They will threaten you, start a smear campaign, tell so many lies and the best you can do is advise people what they are doing and hope that they listen to you.
It isn’t always possible to make a clean break with a narcissist especially when children are involved but doing what you can to reduce the interaction can help.
The narcissist will want to cling onto you as you have something they need, never more so if you have an empathic nature as narcissists do love a supply from someone who has empathy it is their greatest source of feeding their needs.
If you find yourself doubting whether you made the right decision to leave them look at not only the behavior that made you leave but also the behavior they are exhibiting now and you will find all your answers there, do not give into them, ever.
Make the break and stand your ground, do it for your own mental health and for anyone around you who could be affected by the narcissist.