It wasn’t always like this. I am sure there was once a time where he felt perfect for you. But not everything is meant to last forever and at some point, you have to take inventory of what you need to let go of. If the relationship constantly makes you feel insecure, scared, hurt, diminished, anxious, exhausted, he just doesn’t seem to be interested in changing for the better its time to free yourself of the burden. A toxic guy will drain the life from you if you don’t walk away. Here’s how to let him go for good.
1. Stop pretending its something it’s not.
You can’t begin to let go until you take a good hard look at the relationship and come to terms with the ways that it keeps coming up short. Do you consistently feel disappointed by his behavior and comments? Are you always hoping for a response that you never get? Is your self-esteem suffering? If he doesn’t change his ways, can you honestly make do with that? If the answer is no, and I am sure it is, its time to move on. Because things could be so much better and you can be truly happy—just not with him.
2. Stop making excuses.
The thing is what you accept is what you allow. If you keep settling for less than you’re worth you will never be treated as you deserve. If you keep looking for reasons why he’s worth another shot, you’re probably going to find it. After all, no matter how toxic he is, there is something good that drew you to him. There may be things you love about him still. Instead of making excuses, focus on how you feel about being with him. If it doesn’t feel good at its core, it’s because it’s not.
4. Choose yourself without remorse.
Once you embrace your true value you will no longer degrade yourself by wasting this time. Loving someone should never come at the expense of your self. You matter. What you need matters. You are deserving of love, especially when you’re the only one giving it to yourself. It’s not going to be easy to walk away, but remember that you and your happiness are worth fighting for, so fight like hell.
5. Enforce strict rules of separation.
It is never easy to walk away from someone you love no matter how much you know you need to. Going from spending so much time together to not speaking at all will leave you dizzy, but it’s an important step to take if you want to move on. Delete his number. Block him everywhere. Get rid of mementos from the relationship.
6. Bribe yourself.
If you want to motivate yourself to do or not do something, attaching a reward to it can be an effective strategy. As you’re liberating yourself from the holds of that toxic guy, give yourself incentives along the way. You can make deal with yourself to not scroll through his social media feed or initiate any communication with him for a week. If you meet your goals treat yourself to that decadent dessert or a new pair of shoes. It’s a win-win really because you need to be reminded that you can pamper and love yourself.
7. Lean on the things that bring you joy.
Now more than ever you are going to need your tribe. From your family to your best girls, don’t be scared to ask for support. Letting go usually isn’t easy even when someone has treated us badly. You might feel lost for a while or be find it difficult to cope with life without him. You can choose to live in the present rather than wallowing in nostalgia.
8. Permit yourself to grieve.
Love is addictive, and just like with any other intoxicating substance, letting go and staying away is going to be very hard. It’s going to hurt a lot. There’s simply no way around that except you don’t care for the guy at all. Get plenty of rest. Let the tears run free. Find solace in the certainty that the pain won’t last forever. Instead of trying to avoid it, face the pain head-on. Don’t give your feelings a chance to come back and haunt you.
It is going to hurt, ending it with someone you once thought you could never live without. But on the other side of this life can be s much better. Loving yourself enough to not allow less than you’re worth is the best gift you could ever give yourself truly.