These lessons were first published on Ask Reddit they may save you from yet another heartbreak.
1. Love is not enough. It doesn’t matter if you love each other if you make each other miserable.
Be aware of who you are and what your needs are. Don’t ever try to be someone else. Don’t live for someone else. Be honest with your partner and most of all yourself.
2. The fear of being alone is much worse than actually being alone.
3. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in their lives. If they can’t make time for you, it’s because they won’t. No exceptions.
4. Never settle for someone who does not truly value you. You will never be happy, and neither will they.
You can find love more than once. Leave sooner.
5. You can’t be responsible for someone else’s happiness. You can help them, you can support them, you can do what you can… but you can’t let yourself feel actually responsible for making them happy.
6. Just because you don’t fight doesn’t mean the relationship is good.
7. Don’t put up with the bare minimum. Don’t invest your feelings in someone who can’t talk about how they’re feeling, particularly, if they’re not happy with something.
8. Listen to your gut. If things don’t add up don’t ignore and justify it just because they say what you want to hear.
9. If they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.
10. “I was just kidding.” ; “I was angry, I didn’t mean it.”
Both statements are lies. What comes out in heated or drunk moments is almost always the real truth and/or feelings.
11. There’s only 3 ways to deal with a situation.
Accept the situation
Leave the situation
Change the situation
Keep this in mind and always choose the option that serves you and your happiness best.
12. Abuse is not love. Doesn’t matter what kind emotional, physical, sexual whatever it’s not love. If he hits you it’s not love, if he requires you to check in at all hours of the day it’s not love. If he gets drunk and then gaslights, you it’s not love.
13. You will never change/fix someone. They have to do it, or they don’t.
14. It’s ok to love someone and leave them. It’s ok to know that even though they are wonderful, they aren’t right for you.
15. Don’t date someone who recently broke up, no matter how much they say they’re over they’re ex.
16. Liars don’t change. They just get better at lying.
17. Never settle for second best.
18. It’s my responsibility to set boundaries and enforce them.
19. Don’t take people for granted. Don’t assume that they know how you feel about them. Tell them, show them.
20. If they cheat once, they will keep cheating. Even if they don’t, you’ll always be afraid they’ll do it again.
21. Learn how to take of yourself before you let someone else into your life.
22. You don’t actually need anyone.
23. You can’t love someone out of a mental illness. You can love them until they make their own way out, but you can’t put the effort in for them.
24. When he stops saying “I love you” then he’s already checked out of the relationship.
25. You could know someone your entire life and still not know who they actually are.
26. You really shouldn’t try again and again with someone if it has failed multiple times in the past and hope that things might change this time.
27. The more you try to stay in a relationship out of comfort rather than intentional happiness, the more toxic it becomes. Leave a relationship if you know that you and your partner would be happier otherwise.
28. If something seems suspicious it usually is. Long nights ‘working’ and weekends ‘at work’ or ‘working interstate’ constantly is usually key for something else.
29. If he says he is afraid of commitment, he is afraid of commitment.
30. Don’t stay with someone just because you don’t want to be alone.
31. Leave at the right time. Never prolong a relationship you know is over.
32. There’s things about yourself that you will not and cannot change. That is, you as a person. If they can’t accept you for who you are, they’re not compatible. Don’t try to wait it out or see how it goes. That could really mess you up.
33. Taking care of a selfish person doesn’t make them appreciate you. It makes them more selfish.
34. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
35. You can’t make someone fall back in love with you.
36. Not every waking moment of everyday has to be spent in each other’s company. Personal space is key.
37. They never cheat just once.
38. Actions > Words
39. Sometimes you can love each other, even want the same things in life, and it still isn’t going to work out because the timing is off.
40. Sometimes love is NOT enough. You can love someone so much it hurts, more than anyone you’ve ever known before, and that can still not be enough.
41. There are things you can’t undo. Not everything that’s broken can be fixed.
42. Do not let the hope of change carry you through the years.
43. Regardless of how many times they tell you no one else could ever love you because no one else will forgive you for your faults, they’re wrong.
44. Never fall for an alcoholic. You’ll always be #2 in their lives.
45. If someone tells you that they’re a bad person that will only end up hurting you, believe them.
46. Sometimes you can do everything right and still fail.
47. You never know a person that well until you need them and then they either come through or they let you down.
48. Things should never be measured in sacrifice.
49. There are things you can’t un-say.
50. If you marry the wrong person, you WILL pay for it, emotionally, psychological, and oh yes… financially.