It’s a terrible reality that some people would rather believe the narcissist than their victim.
Narcissists have a team of enablers and rely on them to carry out their dirty work, which often means the narcissists is viewed as a victim instead of the true victim.
If anyone has found themselves in this situation, the above will sound all too familiar.
A narcissist is like a chameleon they can change at will to suit the environment they find themselves in.
They blend faultlessly into any social group you most likely have one in yours but just haven’t realised it yet.
Narcissists will seek out a target usually someone who has qualities that they desire, such as empathy, compassion, integrity; all coveted behaviors.
Once hooked into the narcissist’s claws, life can become terrifying and very lonely.
The narcissist will start off very romantic, developing a relationship that is all too perfect and that alone should be a red flag, but unless you are familiar with red flags why should you think anything is wrong.
There are many reasons how a narcissist manages to get away with what they do, let’s explore some on them.
They are the experts at impression management, which basically is managing how others will perceive them.
They appear so perfect in public, supportive and encouraging of their victim, yet behind closed doors, they demean and criticize them.
They love provoking an emotional reaction from their victims, which in turn makes the victim appear unhinged and they can say to people’ look at what I have to deal with’.
This then isolates the victim and enables the narcissist to continue with their abuse, whilst to the outside world the narcissist appears a saint and the victim.
Narcissists are experts at building a faultless reputation. They are hunters, and they hunt down those that have the power that they want and will manipulate them to feed their needs.
They will appear interested in their ideas and will ask plenty of questions and the victim will be all too willing to tell them, reality is the narcissist is gathering intel and will then present the idea as theirs, should the victim voice that it was their idea, they will be ridiculed and put down, people outside the duo will believe that the narcissist again is the victim and the true victim is left powerless and humiliated.
Emotional predators are constantly reassessing who is useful to them and who is a threat.
Ironically if you present a threat to the narcissist you will be their target.
You will literally be love bombed until your head is spinning, then they will commence their attack of devaluing you.
The pedestal they have put you on is high, way up in the air high, and when they pull the pedestal away the fall is long, hard and painful.
They will take you off balance in cycles, so the fall isn’t all at once, but your head will be spinning from their actions which again are done covertly, and you actually believe it’s your own fault.
You will have cycles of being valued, then devalued, you will be triangulated with their enablers until you get to the point of having enough and call them out, to then suddenly find yourself out in the cold and everyone in the circle blaming you for what is wrong.
You will find that those in the circle have been treated the same by the narcissist, if they have something of use to the narcissist then they are desirable.
It is all mind games and everyone except the narcissist ends up hurt.
The Halo Effect
The narcissist will show some quality that makes them trustworthy, however, be warned even that behavior is ‘stolen’ from someone they know as narcissists are far from trustworthy.
They will appear charming, loving, have a good intellect and social acumen all stolen from previous victims.
This is called ‘The halo effect’ as they appear to be such amazing good human beings.
They spend so much time building this false image it must be exhausting, but they never seem to get tired and are constantly looking for the next victim.
They appear so warm and funny that people are drawn to them just like a spider enticing a fly into its web.
The enablers are crucial to the narcissist and they covet as many as they can obtain, as it these that carry on their dirty work whilst they work on their next victim.
Enablers will ignore any transgressions by the narcissist as they are utterly and completely mesmerized by them.
The narcissist to them is a saint for putting up with the crazy woman, it isn’t until they get discarded that their eyes are opened and the shame sets in of their actions to the true victim.
Reluctance To Confront
Too often instead of confronting the narcissist, we allow ourselves to be gaslighted, it is simple fear of what they may do to us that drives that, they are after all extremely dangerous people.
We may see something they do that isn’t right but think thank god it’s them not me.
Don’t feel bad and give yourself a hard time, you are just protecting yourself, although you will find a time when you reach the breaking point and doing the right thing will take over the fear.
There are some that are brave and call the narcissist out very quickly and they are the ‘take no shit’ team and be thankful for them.
There is nothing wrong in protecting yourself and make sure you keep that in mind, the mental damage done by a narcissist lasts for years you don’t need to be adding any more mental anguish yourself.
Survivors are being heard loud and clear as narcissism becomes a subject more and more people talk about.
Don’t judge too harshly those taken in by narcissists and being turned into unwitting enablers, that makes them just as much a victim as you have been.
You survived and that makes you amazing.