People who make it through abusive parents and an ignorant childhood often grow up with a barren heart and a confused mindset.
Motherhood is held sacred in various cultures and much has been spoken and written about this intimate relation, but what about the rest of us who were raised by mean, controlling and abusive mothers?
A famous author and wellness expert Susan Forward has tried to provide some insight about what children especially daughters go through with a difficult mother-child relationship and how taking your time to heal is an integral part to getting back to normal.
Here are 10 phrases that become engrained into a daughter’s heart when her mother is hostile towards her:
I wish I was…
“Prettier, slimmer, fairer, more attractive”
The list just tends to go on. A daughter looks up to her mother to establish a sense of confidence and self-esteem within them. When her mother compares her daughter with others and repeatedly puts their daughter down, their daughter will then constantly think highly of everyone but themselves.
I am not good enough
A daughter who has been raised alongside a toxic parent will never think she is enough for herself. Regardless of her achievements, her mother words never seem to uplift her spirits with her words. This is what makes her prone to choose the wrong partner and marriage to settle in.
I am not worthy of love
As adulthood begins, these women never seem to establish a certain standard of what expectations they might have from their partners. In other words, the lack of self-love and self-respect makes them more likely to jump into unhealthy and narcissistic relationships causing more suffering in the process.
I am too…
“petite, short, fat, unattractive, brainless”
Daughters who had difficult moms tend to over analyze and over criticize themselves and their abilities into adult life. Regardless of how talented and smart these young women maybe, this vicious cycle of worrying and self-doubt ultimately results in the clinical syndrome of depression and anxiety.
I must look perfect for someone to love me
If your parent overly compared you to others on the basis of your appearances and features, then it might stay as a bitter reminder as you venture into your adult life. You might start thinking that you, if you go minimalistic or bare, faced may cause your potential partner to flee. You require approval from others on the way you look.
I can’t do anything right
Your perfectionist mother and her wrong ways of bringing you up have caused you to think that you cannot achieve anything meaningful in life. You can never be successful and happy, and this little voice inside your head is enough to distract you from reaching your full potential.
I don’t belong anywhere
Because your mother never gave you that sense of security and welcoming that you craved for since the start, you end up feeling puzzled and distant from people and situations. Whether it’s your office, your college or your marriage, you feel like you just don’t belong anywhere.
I can’t say no
When we are exploited in our childhood, we lose the capability to make strong and healthy boundaries to limit the effects of outside occurrences. Instead of bluntly saying no to someone, you nod in affirmation even if it makes you uncomfortable.
Nobody cares about me
As someone with an unfulfilled childhood, these women want to be fiercely independent and capable because they realize that only they have their own back. While being strong-willed, she also is a giver and will go to any lengths to satisfy the people around her.
I wish I was someone else
Deep down you have feelings of resentments against yourself and you wish you could be like someone else, instead of celebrating your differences that make you uniquely you.
If you can relate to the above, its best to seek help from support groups, your social circle and your intimate circle of women, who can make the whole process easier. Once you rise against all these labels, you will be the person you were always destined to be. The one your parent should have appreciated and cherished.