We read a lot in regards to narcissists and more often than not they are written as the male being the narcissist, but it is not gender-specific, there are just as many female narcissists, but if truth be told, they are clever at hiding themselves and they lurk within your family and your circle of friends.
They are women who are self-absorbed, jealous, critical and extremely cruel.
The female narcissist exhibits the same behavior as the “mean girls” or viewed as a woman who is acting like a teenager who has some growing up to do, nice cover story huh?!
It is assumed that they will grow out of this childish phase especially when they settle down, get married, have children but this couldn’t be further from the truth. They don’t stop, they get worse and their diabolical behavior just finds new targets this being their partner and their children.
They are just as dangerous as their male counterparts, but the female of the species is more ruthless and can cover her tracks well, she learns by mirroring others to appear the perfect nurturing mother, the sweet and kindly grandmother whilst underneath the vindictive, ruthless woman still remains ready to strike when the time for her is ripe.
No one suspects the mother who appears to love her children deeply of being self-centered and abusive.
They are charm personified, they are what everyone thinks is a perfect mother, it’s worth remembering no one is perfect and that includes even the best of mothers, so that should be a warning sign that all is not as it appears to be.
These women never grow up, they just get clever in what they allow people to see, they manipulate, lie, cheat, steal, and emotionally and in some cases physically damage people regardless of who they are all for their own personal gain.
How to Deal With a Female Narcissist
A narcissist is bad enough, but to make matters worse there are two types, the vulnerable narcissist and the grandiose narcissist, and yes that applies to men too.
Dealing with either type is difficult, the most severe is the grandiose narcissist, but to be honest any narcissist is severe it’s their behaviors that cause the damage.
For example, with the vulnerable narcissist you are dealing with their insecurity and if you are a secure person, they will see that as a challenge to break you down and take that from you.
Try to avoid being drawn into their passive-aggressive manipulation, that’s easier said than done, but once they recognize that they won’t get far with you they will go off and find someone else they can manipulate.
You will have to set boundaries which they again will see as a challenge to break them down, and it is wise to get out of their way, but when that narcissist is your mother for example that is a whole new ball game entirely.
Female Narcissists and Relationships
Studies completed on narcissism has found that relationships where the female is the narcissist engage in more vicious behavior.
The men in the relationship will display anger when interacting with the female narcissist and this has nothing to do with whether the man is himself a narcissist.
The female narcissist provokes this reaction by her behavior, she is more hostile in the relationship which triggers a defense mechanism of anger at being poorly treated.
This then sets up a pattern of emotional abuse that feeds down into any children they may have, and then the cycle of family wounds evolves over time and into generations until someone finally says enough and stops it.
Why Are Female Narcissists So Cruel?
They are cruel as they are able to dissociate from any situation. The more stressed they are the crueler they will be as it is their coping mechanism. They will literally remove any feelings they may have of the person except the negative feelings and then use those negative thoughts to the maximum.
They think and see in black and white only and will exhibit toddler tantrums to get what they want and they have no idea when to stop until stopped.
The Most Glaring Traits Of A Female Narcissist.
The narcissist feels pleasure from other’s pain.
They thrive and enjoy inflicting pain, to see someone down is heaven for her. She will say and do things to make her subject feel inferior and she has no empathy if her subject expresses hurt at what she is doing, she will also exhibit satisfaction when she is told she is hurting someone.
A woman narcissist quickly goes from love to hate.
She is unable to love, the love she shows is a learned behavior from previous relationships. Once she has what she wants she will leave but keep you on the sidelines for when she needs a boost. She enjoys sabotaging relationships just for fun and that includes her children.
The narcissist is extremely competitive with her friends.
Normal friendship circles celebrate the success of each other, they lift each other up, not so with a narcissist. They will target someone in the circle who for example has been given a promotion and will be very negative and say something like “I guess there was no one else so they gave it to you”.
The female narcissist pits her friends against each other.
They don’t like having friends that are closer to each other than her, she will see this as a slight against her, so she will do all she can to set trouble in motion such as gossiping to one friend claiming the other said something about them, then sit back and enjoy the fireworks.
A female narcissist is overly concerned with her appearance.
She is incredibly vain and will not hesitate to use her sexuality to get what she wants from someone. They have to wear the latest designer clothes and should someone is her circle wear something she wants she will tell them it looks awful on her and does nothing for her, to then turn up in a few days’ time wearing that exact outfit crowing at how fabulous she looks in it.
She is materialistic.
Everything is about what she owns and what she earns, money is paramount to her and the more she has the better, often she hasn’t even earned it herself, she is not averse to having a few sugar Daddies lined up. Her outward image is important to her. Some female narcissists have managed to build their own wealth but just know she walked over others to get it.
A female narcissist disregards boundaries.
They do tend to have a group of admirers, usually exes that she keeps at arm’s length until she needs a little ego boost or a booty call. She has no respect for boundaries, in fact, she has no idea what they are. She will often create love triangles for the fun of it and the more attention she has the better.
A narcissist expects favorable treatment.
She expects everyone to do her bidding, what she says goes, she is the queen of the circle of friends and she expects everyone to follow her lead. If she doesn’t like someone everyone has to follow. Should someone refuse to follow what she says they get frozen out and are added to the list in her head of people everyone has to hate.
Female narcissists are often jealous.
She will appear confident and strong to everyone; the truth is she is envious of everyone around her and sees everyone as beneath her. She will undercut and abuse anyone and everyone.
She thinks everyone is jealous of her.
She is delusional about how people see her. Whilst she feels jealousy inside herself, she believes that everyone around her admires her and wishes to be like her. She will explain away her distance as she doesn’t trust people as they are jealous of her.
The narcissist places blame.
Every problem she has, will have been caused by other people, she will never take responsibility for her actions, everything that is wrong is caused by another, and she will feel no shame in blaming an innocent party. She is often found in a management position at work where she can blame her team to her boss and as she has already manipulated her boss into thinking the sun shines out her ass, they will believe her.
A female narcissist often appears unstable.
She will take incredible risks in life, but never to the point, she is exposed. Her personality will be addictive to those that do not realize she is a narcissist. She projects an aura that many wish they could have. She is hard work, to say the least, she is either really happy or really angry there is no such thing as a middle ground for her.
She is overly sensitive to perceived slights.
Should you challenge her on what she says or how she is behaving she will react badly and with a vicious attack. She will think nothing of making a drama out of something so small.
The narcissist will never apologize.
She doesn’t in her mind do anything or say anything wrong, so she will never apologize to anyone unless it serves a purpose to do so, she will, however, deflect what she has done wrong onto someone else.
She has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
She will brag about herself and all she has accomplished and expect people to be in awe of her and congratulate her with lots of compliments, this feeling of entitlement they have can be found from an early age.
A woman narcissist lacks common courtesy.
She has no concept of common decency and good manners. Courtesy to others just doesn’t exist for her. She believes her presence and allowing people to be her friends is a “gift” and they are her minions.
The narcissist “punishes” her partner and children.
If she feels her partner or children have treated her badly, she will retaliate by neglecting them, or ghosting them, in the instance of a partner some also use the refusal of sex as a means of punishment, with their children they will become distant and cold, what she lacks to understand is that doing this is actually a time of relief from her abuse.
A female narcissist lacks empathy.
She has no concept of “putting herself in someone’s shoes” any empathy she may show is a learned behavior and comes out on show if it serves a purpose. She sees people as weak and pathetic and not worthy of her time.
The female narcissist loves to talk about herself.
She loves to talk and her favorite topic is herself. She will turn every conversation being had to herself to ensure she is the center of attention, and even when people turn the conversation away from her, she will pull it back around to herself.
She shows off on social media.
She believes herself to be the ultimate social butterfly, in her head everyone loves her and she is forever posting selfies where she looks perfect not so much as a single strand of hair out of place. She will use her children or her partner as a prop and expect everyone to love her posts.
A narcissist takes more than they give.
She showers people with “her love” but once they have served their purpose, she withdraws that love and moves on to someone else. To her, it is all about getting a fresh supply to worship her.
The female narcissist is a drama queen.
She has excessive reactions all the time and she is unpredictable. She will often be viewed as being “a mean girl” when the reality is, she is just a plain old nasty piece of work who enjoys hurting people for kicks. She will stir the pot excessively and usually when she is bored with life.
She is a control freak.
People who have to control their partner are a challenge, but when the partner is also a narcissist that takes control to a dangerous level. She will make her partner, children and friends life a misery to the point they just do what she says for a quiet life.
The narcissist loves to manipulate.
She enjoys manipulating people, it’s her form of entertainment and she has mastered the ability to be passive-aggressive to confuse and hurt people. You may find yourself being given the silent treatment, calls and texts will go unanswered and she has no problems blocking you on social media to make a point that you are no longer in her good graces.
She is unfaithful in relationships.
She is incapable of being faithful, she will cheat and have no remorse in doing so, she will claim she was driven to it as she felt unloved and ignored. Laying the blame at her partner’s door, typical gaslighting.
A female narcissist is exhausting to be around.
She drains everyone around her, she wears people down, they end up walking on eggshells and live in fear of what she will do next. She especially can be found wearing her children down by removing her version of love until her children beg to be forgiven for something they haven’t even done.
The narcissist thinks you are the one with the problem.
She doesn’t even realize that she is a narcissist unless told, and when she is told she will say it isn’t her. She will not seek professional help as she isn’t the problem. Truth be told if she sat and read this, she will sit and list names of people she views as narcissists and her name would most definitely not be on the list.
The negative impact of a female narcissist will impact a person’s life not just in the present, but also in the future.
They damage their children’s self-esteem, mental health and overall well-being, which leads on into their children’s adult life and perhaps even for generations to come unless the damage is addressed through therapy.
The only way a person can begin to recover from her is to remove her, and that includes if she is your mother, and take time to heal and recover.
Breaking the cycle of abuse is paramount to anyone’s recovery and it is by no means easy.
You deserve a better life, so do yourself a favor and go grab one and never look back!