Being the “strong friend” can be exhausting and lonely.

In every group of friends, there is always the “one”. The strong friend who you always call when you need advice or a shoulder to cry on or just someone to listen. They are the one who always asks you if you’re okay, always offers help, and seems like they have their own life relatively put together. Everybody loves the strong friend but how often is anyone strong for them? Having a friend who is always there for you is great but sometimes it means that friend doesn’t always get anyone there for them when they need it, and that can be difficult. Sometimes being the “Strong Friend” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  1. No one checks on you.

As the “Strong Friend,” you always do a lot of checking in. You will send texts asking how a friend is holding up when you know they’ve been going through something tough. It can feel like you are not given the same courtesy sometimes, however, and that can suck. It isn’t because your friends don’t care about you. Mostly it is because they assume that anything you have going on, you can probably handle on your own. Or you may hide how you’re feeling so well they don’t think you’re going through anything at all. Since your friends view you as being the rock of the group, they assume you are resilient to whatever life throws at you. It doesn’t even occur to them to check in on you the way you do with them. Maybe you can handle it on your own. Often you do. But it would still be nice to know you’re friends care about you the same way you do them.

  1. You get taken for granted.

You are the kind of person who would drop anything and everything for your loved ones. You do things sincerely and without expecting anything in return. This can sometimes means you get taken for granted. Without even realizing what they are doing, your friends start to just expect your support. That can leave you feeling pretty unsupported in return. It is probably subconscious or maybe they’re 100% aware of it, you are immediately the person they call in a dilemma. You are who they want to lean on when they need someone, regardless of what you have going on in your life. To be fair, you may not even tell your friends what is going on in your life so you become a constant supporter no matter the situation.

  1. You can get projected on.

When you become the strong one in your friend group you can end up with a lot of projection. Your friends can end up projecting their insecurities onto you. Maybe they don’t realize or maybe they think that you can just take it. So when your friends view you as the “strong” one they may become ashamed to tell you certain things. Which leads them to lie to you about things. If they make a mistake, they may automatically assume you will judge them because they see you as someone who never makes mistakes. So they’ll hide it from you, or lie to you about it. They’ll just get mad at you for judging them before you’ve even said anything. This is because they’re judging themselves through your eyes, and this can be difficult and unfair. The fact your friends view you as someone who can weather any storm or someone who keeps it all together is flattering but it can also be exhausting. Every human being encounters with hardship and tribulation. Nobody is perfect. Not even the strongest people you know.

If you’re the strong friend you can take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. Or maybe you aren’t that friend in your group, but you know who is. Reach out to them. Ask them how they’re doing. Even if they don’t need your assistance at that moment, I can assure you that your concern for them will warm their heart and be a nice reminder that, while they may not need anyone to get through things, they have people there for if they ever do.