Okay so guys have been asking forever why are we always late?
To be fair we’re not always late it just seems like we are. But we have so much going on before we even step out the door is it any wonder that we are late at times.
Guys have no idea truly they don’t, all they do is roll their eyes and ask, ‘How much longer are you going to be?’
‘Guys, do you think we woke up looking this fabulous?’
It’s a long fucking process and you love the end results, so quit the moaning and just accept it.
We are magical as we can multi-task
Tonight’s the night, date night is here. The kids are fed, bathed, in their pyjama’s, the babysitter is picked up and keeping them amused and that’s all BEFORE we even start to get ready right girls?
We’re showering, washing our hair, putting on that special conditioner so our hair shines, using our favorite body wash that leaves our skin all silky AND cleaning our teeth at the same time, jealous much yet guys?
We’re out of the shower and then the race is on, we are a work of art and if guys bothered to watch they would be in awe of us.
Hair and makeup
The drying our hair upside down look is for school runs ok, NOT date night. Drying our hair takes time, it is a work of art.
Hair dried does not mean it is finished, that is just the beginning.
Remember to plug straighteners in!
Hair tied back then the makeup routine begins. I’m not going to go through this step by step we all know the time it takes for date night, guys if you don’t, make a point of finding out and then never ever complain about it again, deal?
Then it’s back to the hair, straighteners cold, fuckkkk forgot to turn them on.
You may have your two second crisis moment then move on!
Straighten hair, take your time, make it your peaceful moment, relax you’re doing great on time.
TURN STRAIGHTENERS OFF.
You already planned your outfit for this night, you got it ready earlier in the week, and you know it’s just perfect.
Take it down off the back of the door ready to put on.
Then the crisis hits!
Because one of your little angels has left a perfect peanut and jelly handprint on your dress.
The tears hit and then everything changes.
You are in crisis mode, what to wear? is it clean? Does it need ironing?
Then you look in the mirror, you now have panda eyes and your hair is all frizzy, that’s it I’m not going out!
Okay, moment over let’s get this shit sorted.
New outfit and ironing
Thank God to the person who invented quick wash as sometimes it saves the day. It will either be a quick wash solution or just a pull another dress out, hope the angels haven’t been playing dress up and iron the damn thing.
Our mind will still be stuck on the perfect dress from earlier, so you can bet your sweet ass I’ve gone for quick wash solution with stain remover, yes, I’m going to be late, just accept it.
Lingerie and stockings
Well, what do you expect its date night, no Bridget Jones’s on tonight.
Yes, its color coordinated, yes, it’s the push-up bra, no it’s my choice and yes you will love it or else.
The nice part of stockings is when they are brand new, taking them out of the packaging, feeling their softness, rolling them up and then pulling them on, yes, I have moved from Mom to wife in that simple move.
The repair time
Repairing my make up is most likely the best I can do at this point and re-straightening my hair.
That still takes time and I can hear him pacing, I yell go away now. I hear him moaning to himself as he walks down the stairs.
Face touched up, yes, I’m happy with that. Now hair.
Straighteners cold, fuckkkk forgot to turn them on AGAIN.
Breathe just breathe.
Finally, I’m done, next!
Charging phone, the lost phone
What is that damn sound?
Shit, it’s my phone about to die.
I can hear it, but I can’t find it.
A mad dash for it before it dies.
It’s under the bed!
Plugged it in, now shut up and leave me in peace to finish getting ready.
We are on the home straight now, just the dress and shoes to go, shoes, shoes where the fuck are my shoes?
They are not where I left them earlier in the week when deciding what to wear.
I DO NOT NEED THIS!
Then the shoe hunt is on.
And yes, as suspected in my daughters’ room in her dress up box.
I love her, she’s cute, so she can get away with it.
One last look in the mirror, I’m happy with how I look.
I feel normal again.
I’m not just Mom.
I’m me again.
And I’m going on a date.
We are finally out of the house, in the car driving down the road when….
DID I TURN STRAIGHTENERS OFF?
Fuck no, panic, I call the babysitter, she checks ‘yes they are off’, the sigh of relief.
He takes my hand and says, ‘You look amazing, now can we start date night?’