We are not perfect mothers. We are not mother earth incarnate. We are human and we can and do make mistakes.
We are not teleported overnight from ‘woman about town’ to ‘mother of the year’.
We want what is best for our little cherubs of course we do, but sometimes along the way, we can become the ‘wrong type of mother’ without even noticing.
Becoming a mother was some of the best moments of my life, also some of my worst and some of that was down to my own interpretation of how they should be.
Expecting perfect children
Nope, they are not perfect, they have their own mind and rightly so.
They won’t know right from wrong straight away that’s learned, and we teach them, growing up in complex, challenging and downright demanding.
Imposing our interests
We all have our own unfulfilled dreams, for goodness sake don’t transfer your dreams onto your child, they are not a freaking project.
Watch what interests them and encourage them to grow from their own interests, if you do find yourself slipping up and pushing them another way, don’t beat yourself up, but do reel your neck in.
Do it my way – the “right way”
Children are explorers and do things their own way.
Allow them to evolve into the little humans they want to be. Yes, they will make mistakes that is after all how we learn, but don’t whatever you do impose the right way is my way they will resent you for it.
Forbidding them to be children
We’ve all seen those children who become ‘mini me’s’ and your heart bleeds for them.
How often have we heard some mothers say, ‘oh she/he is such a mini-me’ and you wonder where the real child has gone. Let them be children, it is such a short period of time, and before you know it, they have left home and are adults.
Monkey see monkey do
They miss absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing.
They copy all you do, I hold my hands up and admit my daughter’s first words were ‘fuck it’ well that was an eye-opener for me. Yes, I know hang my head in shame, I fucked up, I’m not perfect.
Yes, we all do it. We all want to make sure our children are safe and protected.
Life isn’t like that though, yes, they will fall out the tree and break their arm and off you go to the ER yet again. It doesn’t stop there though does it, it is followed on by the first day at school, first dates, off to college getting married. It never stops how old they get, no one told me that one.
Breaking our own rules
We have house rules, everyone does, it’s hard to be consistent when you have that little angel face saying, ‘one more story please’. Be flexible but not too flexible or they will think they can break every rule there is and no one likes a brat.
Yep, I hold my hands up to that one too. Clear up your toys and you can have an ice cream or finish your homework and you can have extra TV time.
I set a rod for my own back and it is totally my own fault, but some days I was just too tired to commence battle. My husband was and still is much better at that than I could ever be, and complains he is the bad parent, own it and weep lovey.
Not spending enough time together
Real needs of life do get in the way, no matter how hard you try and have family time, shit always seems to happen.
I do my best to be involved and spend time with my children, but they also need to understand if I don’t work, I don’t get paid, and they don’t get what they need. I do my best to make sure they are not left feeling alone or a bother, but the balance isn’t always easy to obtain.
Having both come from abusive homes my husband and I agreed that physical punishment wasn’t an option, not everyone would agree with this and that is their right.
We used removal of privileges, toys, books etc as a means of punishment, it didn’t always work and we would have to find another way, such as earlier bedtime etc. Ironically my eldest even now says ‘your look of disappointment was enough to make me behave’ hmmm if only I had known that then.
At the end of the day we are human, and we make mistakes and continue to do so in life, don’t get hung up over parenting, as long as your children are healthy and happy don’t let anyone make you feel a bad parent.