You left, but the trauma and pain of you didn’t leave with you.
For so long I kept hoping that things would get better, that I could love you into being a better person. But you can’t love someone into being a better person all you do is drained yourself physically and emotionally and leave yourself empty.
I was never really sure of what your feelings for me were, you one minute were loving and caring the next you seemed irritated that I was even breathing the same air as you.
I loved you with everything I had despite how you were with me, I honestly thought we could make it, we could have a life together if I just loved you enough.
When the train departed the station with you on it, I felt like my whole essence, my heart and soul was on that train with you. You got on it, you never even looked back and that was the end of that for you.
What you left behind was a wreck of a human being and you didn’t care that you were the cause of it.
When I reflect on our life together, I was never good enough for you, no matter what I did it was never enough, you took and took and took, you never gave anything to the relationship.
You would always compare me to your ex’s always telling me what they had done for you because they loved you, always telling me I clearly didn’t love you as I was never as good as they were.
Now, I can see why they left you or forced you to leave, the truth is you are never going to be good enough for anyone as you are an emotional vampire who only stays around for as long as your needs are fed.
You would always tell me about my imperfections, no one is perfect but the flaws you so often used against me are what make me the woman I am.
You forced me to believe that I was the worst excuse for a woman there ever is, you made me feel inadequate, hopeless and above all unlovable.
When I once asked if I was all these things why are you with me, you told me that someone had to love you and only you could be that person, the arrogance of you and your behavior was staggering.
You would give me impossible expectations to meet and when each time I failed to reach your expectations you used them against me.
You over time wore me down, you made me change the clothes I wore, my hair color and style I soon lost who I was, I ceased to exist.
I became this version of what you wanted to see, a woman you made, a woman who you controlled.
My self-worth disappeared, I became scared of even living, each day you would bring me down and each day I thought I can’t sink any lower, yet the next day I did.
When I finally accepted that I would never be good enough for you, that you could never love me, that you are incapable of loving anyone but yourself, was the day that I knew you would finally leave.
I tried talking with you like normal couples do when there is a problem in the relationship, but your response was to tell me you were packing up and leaving, you were done with me.
Oddly I felt nothing but relief at those words when I would have expected me to fall apart, you saw that and knew the threat of leaving no longer made me beg you to stay.
You took my offer of taking you to the train station as some kind of victory on your part, the truth is I wanted to make sure you got on that damn train and out of my life.
Yes, you leaving destroyed me, yes, I was a wreck, but like anyone who is at the bottom the only way is up, I crawled my way back up, I feel down a few times, but each time I got back up.
I taught myself to love myself. I learned to love my imperfections that were real and the false ones you made believe existed I tossed away like trash.
I stood back up, I did that no one else.
As for you, I hear you’re on relationship number six since leaving me, I feel sorry for those women, I truly do as I know exactly what they have been through, and what it will take for them to get back up.
I was more than good enough for you; the truth is you were never good enough for me.