Narcissists can spot a potential target a mile off, and once their desire to have you in their world starts, they are relentless in their pursuit of you.
They attempt to pull you in and they won’t stop until you give in to them. They will tell you some truly amazing stories about how so many people fail to understand them and are spiteful and say hateful things about them, that you can’t help but feel sorry for them and want to defend them.
What they have really done is project their own behavior to people onto another leaving you shocked that this has even taken place. It is especially hard to accept when you have never seen the person they are talking about act in this way, that should be your first red flag.
Narcissists are like spiders they spin intricate webs of lies and then wait for their prey to fall into the web and just like a spider they bite their venom into your life, then wait for you until they are ready to feed on you.
People who are sensitive, caring and kind are their best source for feeding their needs. The problem with having a caring nature is we have this inherent need to make life better for those around us, we want to heal their pain.
The definition of a narcissist according to Merriam-Webster is;
“An extremely self-centred person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.”
The fact of the matter is they want us to believe they are superior to us when they are far from it. Deep down a narcissist is a vulnerable and insecure person and they hate that about themselves, they make it their life’s work to bring others down and are jealous of anyone that appears to be better than they could ever be, they have to destroy others to feel better about themselves.
Once the narcissist forms a bond with you and they are confident that you are under their control then the abuse begins. They will cause you untold amounts of emotional pain and will manipulate you in any way they can, in doing this they have begun to erode away your self-confidence which ironically is what drew them to you in the first place.
They are expert thieves, stealing from you what they can such as friends, family, careers, reputation and leave you wondering what the hell has happened to your once peaceful life.
You will find your self-esteem in tatters and just when you think they can’t do any more to you they start their initial smear campaign which leaves you literally on the floor as to why this person who you tried so hard to help has turned into your worst nightmare.
Betrayal of any kind is hard to accept, but when it comes from someone who was supposed to be your lover or close friend the impact on you is horrendous.
The first major step you can take in this situation is acknowledging the truth and that is a very bitter pill to swallow. You will now be questioning everything about them and almost berating yourself for being taken in by them as no one wants to really accept they have been deceived.
You will find yourself pulling away from them and they will notice this and try and pull you back in. They will change back to being all sweetness and light as they were in the beginning, they will claim their bad behavior has been due to illness and that they need you to stay with them and support them in their time of need.
Don’t be fooled by this!
This fight you are now beginning is a fight of survival and you need to be the winner in this.
If you can remove yourself from their life with no warning just go! Cease any communication, if children are involved communicate through lawyers or a mediator, if they can’t get to you then they can’t feed on you it’s that simple.
Then they will begin the ultimate smear campaign and you will be horrified at the lies they speak; you will find yourself in a dark place watching your life slipping away and your reputation left in tatters.
Anyone worth knowing and who knows you will see the lies for what they are, the quickest way to deal with this is to ignore them as by doing this they haven’t got what they wanted and that is your reaction.
In truth people that are being told the lies should be bold enough to ask for proof to the allegations, but people rarely do as it is easier to hear a lie than face the truth.
You will need to take all the time you want to heal from this and there is absolutely no time limit, this is not something you can just get over.
You may even find the narcissist is still working on destroying you and your reputation behind the scenes, sometimes even years later, the truth of the matter is you got away on your terms and not theirs so they believe they have unfinished business with you.
This says plenty about them, doesn’t it?
They are sad malignant individuals who have this belief they can destroy what they like and never face any consequences. They are eventually called out and slowly people move away from them and they then have to find another source.
Just make sure your door is firmly closed and when they come knocking again which they will sometimes even years later put up firmer boundaries and continue with your life, a life narcissists can only dream of having.