I once dated a guy who I thought was totally trustworthy, my bad.
We’ve all dated players before, fallen for their web of lies and deceit but I really thought he was different.
The whole ‘relationship’ felt different and that is why I missed all the warning signs.
When he first broke my heart, I went into deep shock, I couldn’t believe this was happening to me.
I remember talking to one of my close friends and her relating to me stories of her ‘so-called nice guys’ and me thinking what was going on wasn’t the same, total denial.
He tried getting back with me a few times and I’d flipped him the bird, but the next time he tried I was at a vulnerable point in my life and I let him back in.
Then my entire life blew up in my face, I found out the entire time he had been seeing me he had also been seeing other women.
Then it hit me, he was a f*uckboy, disguised as a ‘nice guy’ and I’d fallen for it.
These guys are smarter, more devious and so much harder to see through.
Looking back there were warning signs, which I had chosen to ignore;
He says all the right things
He always had the ability to say the right things at the right time and they appeared so genuine.
He would convince me to believe that he was so honest in all he said that I never once thought he was just talking with no action.
He would make grand gestures like looking into my eyes and speaking with such sincerity and say things like, ‘Look at me, I’m looking right into your eyes, see the truth in what I’m saying’ what fucking movie did he steal that from I wonder!
The thing is when someone is being truly genuine, they don’t always say the right thing at the right time, as being genuine is spontaneous not thought through.
He can talk for days
When we first got back together, we went out for dinner and all he did was talk and talk and talk.
I don’t remember much else, I can’t remember at any point that he asked how I was or even gave me a chance to talk.
Looking back what really happened is I got fed dinner along with a side order of total bullshit.
I made excuses back then, I thought he was nervous, he wasn’t he knew exactly what he was doing and what he was doing was ‘love bombing’ me.
He tried so hard to convince me he was a changed man, and he spoke about his changes to convince me he was.
I actually felt like I was being lectured, taught of what he was rather than ‘seeing clearly’ who he was.
He will always make you feel special
Yes, of course, the man in your life wants you to feel special, but a f*ckboys special is totally different.
He would tell me what to think and feel about him and I didn’t even realise that is what he was doing until the blinkers come off.
A good man makes you feel special through actions, not words.
I don’t mean by showering you with gifts, flowers, meals out, I’m talking about him being there for you at special events, things that are important to you.
He calls you not because he wants something, but just to see how your day is going.
Pay attention to a man’s actions, rather than his words.
He will never give you the power in the relationship
Once he had me back in his clutches, he literally blew my phone up with texts, it was constant, I became a bag of nerves as if I didn’t answer him quickly enough his texts became aggressive, at times whiney and it had a serious negative impact on me.
Once I had replied he would then leave me hanging sometimes for hours and when he did reply he would say ‘busy, busy’ pfttt.
I’m a rational woman, shit gets real, work gets busy, but his tone, yes, his tone via text would scream, next time you’ll answer me quickly then won’t you, I see that now, but at the time I was blinded.
In one fight he lost his composure and said, ‘I love keeping people waiting for me to respond, it shows them I’m the one in control, I hold all the power.’
So, there it is some red flags that he is wearing a disguise, a new breed that is taking narcissism to a different level of tactical play.
In a perfect world, I would have never fallen in love with a narcissist, but unfortunately, the heart is far from the most sensible organ in the body.
My gut was screaming out to be listened to and I ignored it.
We all know that most people have a front they show, a nice to see, it’s not until the mask comes off, reality sinks in and we find ourselves in a web of deceit that takes over our lives.
Sometimes — especially when it comes to this complex species of f*ckboy — they deserve Oscars for how well they can pretend to be people they’re not.