I Couldn’t Find Someone Like You Even If I Wanted To



We all do some reckless things when we fall in love. At times we do really stupid things in all the name of love. I know I did and in turn I put up with him far longer than I should have.

You were not worth my time. 

Looking back, you were so not worth my time. All those days, weeks months invested in what I believed was a long-term future.

I was always there for you whenever you needed me. I supported you through the bad times which is what couples do, isn’t it? Yet when I needed you where were you? Off doing your own thing, not even noticing I needed you.

I stayed so long because I hoped that with time, things would take a turn for the better. 

I thought to be there for you always would make you believe in a great future, that you’d know you were never alone, that you had someone who could be relied upon all the time.

I hoped it would make you a better person too, how wrong I was.

You didn’t deserve my love.

I always put you, first didn’t I? I wanted you to see that you had someone right there next to you when you needed them to be.

I would at times stay awake worried about you, goodness knows why as you sure as hell never worried about me, what a fool I was.

I loved you because I hoped love would change you. 

This was never about changing you as the person I fell in love with. This was about you having a wake-up call to what real love is.

To find your deep-rooted compassion and true emotions and not be afraid to show them. I always hoped the good traits you had would come to the surface more, the ones I often saw but others didn’t.

I deserved to be at least appreciated for the things I did for you. 

I had hoped, even dreamed that once you saw the effort i put into our relationship you would do the same.

It was not to be.

You didn’t even say ‘thank you’, you just began to expect what I did for you all the time and only noticed when the caring stopped.

Unfortunately, all I got were emotional beatings. 



It was a horrible moment when I realized you enjoyed bringing me down, so far down I began to not even know who I was anymore.

It was like the further you beat me down the better you felt about yourself.

No matter what I did it was never good enough for you.

Looking back at it all now I’m sure it was because you felt nothing good about yourself, you had to project that onto me.

So I left you.

When your eyes are finally open to someone it’s a horrible moment, you feel sick, you shake, it’s like your whole body has gone into shock.

I took the decision to stop being your emotional punching bag.

I told you I was leaving you and you laughed, you said I would never find anyone like you again, well excuse me, that’s the whole point!

I truly believe there isn’t anyone out there as toxic as you are.



You are now gone, and as for me; I’ve moved on and life is so much better as I can breathe again.