He Hit Me, But I Gave Him Another Chance — Abusive Relationships Aren’t Always Easy To Leave

I clearly remember the first day he raised his hand to hit me. We were in the car on our way to a wedding. It all came as a surprise to be honest, we both seized in the moment to analyze what had just happened. I gently caressed my hand across my swollen lips to see if they were bleeding, only to find that they were.

“Oh sh*t!” His pitch higher than the norm. “I never meant to hurt you like this. I was just fooling around, I swear.”

We slowly got back in to a conversation. The familiarity returned. On occasion he would look over at me and say that he was sorry and that he didn’t mean to hit me. The bleeding from my lip had seized, and I started to forget about the incident with each passing moment.

On the next occasion, we were at the house in the middle of a heated argument. One moment we were talking, and within a few seconds I was thrashed to the floor.

Needless to say, we had been arguing a lot at that time. From shattered marble decor pieces to broken glasses, it had definitely had taken a toll on both of us.

While in the middle of these events, I had slowly but surely isolated myself from family and acquaintances. I was devastated to see where my relationship was heading. I felt insulted and wanted a way out.

I would often hear people saying “Oh I could never tolerate such behavior” or “I never understand how relationships like these even exist.” I was at a lack of words to describe how I actually felt and how all that was happening to me felt.

It wasn’t always like this. This man was funny, sweet and very understanding. He always apologized after hitting me, promising that he wouldn’t let it happen again, that he would never hit me again.

Things would be great for a while. He would silently show his support and understanding for me. Until I made it clear, that if we would continue with his ways, I will leave the relationship.

The ultimate breaking point was when he unleashed his furious wrath against me. It came to the point that I wondered if I was even going to survive or not.

I showed up at my parents house after a few days, all bruised and scarred. Each time I narrated my sorrows to my family, my pain would escalate even more. I felt humiliated and grief stricken, to see my 22 year old independent self now succumbed to the physical abuse my partner inflicted on me.

According to reliable statistics, one in four women are prey to their romantic partners abuse and it’s estimated that a woman tries seven times to leave the relationship before she actually succeeds.

Reasons of sticking around in abusive relationships could be financial dependency, lack of moral support, and the fear of the uncertain. Sadly 75% were murdered by their partners after the relationship ended.

Within a week of returning to my parents house, I found myself facing my abusive partner once again across me in a restaurant. The bombardment of countless texts and calls and bouquets of flowers showing up at my place every so often were enough to make me meet up with him.

He conveniently cleared his position about how afraid he was to lose me, and that it would never happen again. Or would it? It seemed fine to give my relationship one more chance. This man was the love of my life, surely moving past him after all these years wasn’t exactly easy. One more chance wouldn’t hurt right?

Things were perfect, until  a few weeks had passed. It was difficult this time around. To face the police officer about why I had called, to submit my leave to my boss from work, to tell my friends that no, things haven’t been better for the both of us.

The cycle of abuse is much clearer once you distance yourself from it. It isn’t black or white, it lies on both the spectrums with blurred outlines. What’s more shocking is how prevalent it is in the society. Your neighbor, your sister, your co-worker, anyone could be going through it.

With the constant support of my loved ones, I went back to him twice to try for our relationship and then got out. You surely can as well. Don’t be afraid to lean on those around you, or ask for help.