If you’re naturally a loving and affectionate person, giving to your partner in a relationship just happens. The acts of love are done without any forethought from you at all. It is just your nature. You are the one to always think of your partner first, you accommodate them and their schedule above your own. You take care of them sometimes more than yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as your partner is the right partner for you. In some circumstances being super giving can backfire on you when you realize that your partner. So what should you do when your relationship feels one-sided??
Now a relationship will never be 50/50 all the time, or even most of the time. In a healthy relationship, there will be a give and take between the partners based on their needs. Often one partner will give more than they receive. But in return when they need it, it should be returned to them. There will be times when one partner needs to give more than the other. That’s common. But it is still all about balance. Your relationship will be healthier when you let go of the idea its always needs to be even. Instead learning to embrace a well-balanced life will leave your relationship healthier and happier.
A healthy relationship shouldn’t take up all of your time. There shouldn’t be a tally running to see who does more or ensuring things are always even. If you are reduced to manipulating to ensure your partner is doing their fair share then something is not right. A balanced partnership takes compromise above all else. Showing not only the desire but willingness to make the relationship work.
If you need to pull yourself back out of giving too much of yourself away here are some great tips for getting regrounded.
Practice self care daily!
Something as simple as taking the time to take a nice long bath or work out. Maybe you even decide to learn a new hobby! The important thing here is you are filling your cup at that moment rather than your partners. You are giving yourself some of the love that you are overextending daily. The bonus is that when you’re treating yourself with love every day, it’s going to be reflected out to your partner and it will change the way they treat you (for the better).
Change your perspective
Relationships take two people to work. No matter how hard you try you can’t do it all alone. You may need to change your perspective of what your relationship dynamic is and should be. Your partner may not even realize things are so lopsided because you have always just done it all. To bring it as close to balanced as you can in your relationships, recognize the imbalance, stop contributing and instead, give more to yourself.
Give Your Partner The Opportunity To Show Up More
If you’re someone who puts a lot of effort into your relationship because it’s just how you are, you might not be allowing your partner to do the same for you. Once you have a set flow to your relationship, it’s hard to change things down the road. It’s too easy for [some] women to end up giving away too much in their relationships because they are just natural nurturers. Then they end up feeling frustrated as a result. You might end up giving a lot in hope that your partner will eventually return the favor. But that doesn’t always happen. Your partner cannot read your mind. If you need emotional support and someone to listen to your day without trying to ‘fix it,’ say so! A truly balanced partnership means you can communicate your needs and desires so that you get them.
Be clear with your partner
When something about the relationship bothers you, the tendency is to brush it off or keep it inside for as long as possible. That’s especially true if you’re someone who doesn’t like confrontation. But your partner is not a mind reader. If you don’t tell them something is wrong as you go, they’ll get into the habit of putting less into the relationship because you seem to be happy giving more.
This doesn’t have to be one deep conversation either. All you need to do is be open about what you need each day as things come up. “If you usually cook for you and your partner, but your job is keeping you late at the office, see what you can work out regarding who cooks on those nights or if your partner is going to pick up food. Be clear about the areas you’re struggling with and what you specifically need from them.
Realizing that you’ve given way more to your relationship than your partner can be frustrating. But you can turn it around without making a big deal out of it. If you give yourself space, practice self-care, and communicate your needs as you go along, your relationship can be as balanced as it can be. Sometimes just a little bit of work we didn’t know we needed to do goes a LONG way.