Some people are incapable of just living their lives and being the best that they can, they must invade other people’s lives and destroy what they have, just like a petulant child who takes another child’s toy because they can.
Narcissists are people who have failed to grow up and learn right from wrong, or they do learn right from wrong and choose not to be a decent person. They spend their entire lives manipulating people for their own end.
It is almost as if they have a degree in abuse, they can control everyone around them, but they are especially adept at controlling their partner.
Narcissism is not gender specific although to date all research does acknowledge that there are far more male narcissists than there are women.
To gain control they pull you into this fantasy world of the ultimate love, they manipulate you into believing all they say to be true and it is one hell of a shock when the reality hits and you find yourself in quite frankly hell on earth.
They use several tactics to pursue their intended target which causes their target to bond with them, and once bonded it is difficult to break free.
This is where they literally brainwash you into believing everything that isn’t true, they have such a hold over you that although your brain is screaming at you that what they say is a lie or that it never happened you are unable to believe what your brain is telling you and that you must be remembering things incorrectly.
The narcissist has an answer for everything, a whole heap of lies in storage ready to come out should you ever challenge them, and they make so much sense that you doubt your own mind, the more they do this to you the more control they have.
2. They say everything is your fault
They are never to blame for anything that is wrong, they are incapable of seeing the wrong they do, right? Wrong, they know exactly what they are doing, they know exactly what they have done wrong, they will not no matter how hard they are pushed accept any responsibility. The blame is all on you, period.
They will work on destroying any self-esteem you have even though that is what attracted them to you in the first place. They want what you have, your charm, your wit, your popularity and their aim is to take that from you. They mirror who you are until everyone around you will see them as the good person and you as the weak pathetic individual that in reality is what the narcissist is.
3. They never answer your questions
You can ask as many questions as you like but you will never get a straight answer from a narcissist unless it is to their advantage. You could already know the true answer and all you will hear is lies, they will accuse you of wasting their time will stupid questions if they want to avoid answering you. Even when you present them with the evidence of what they have done they will still deny it was anything to do with them and that everything was done by you and you just can’t remember it.
They may on rare occasions admit what they have done but twist it by saying they only did it because they love you and then play at being a victim, and that it was all because of their love for you.
4. They say they know you better than you know yourself
They observe their target for quite some time before even making any moves to get to know you in person, this is how they can say so much to you that they know you want to hear. They will ask you so many questions about your life, your hopes, your dreams that in the first period of building your relationship that is how they seem so perfect as they are already in your head.
It seems like they know instinctively the right thing to say to you when you are down, they are able to do this as they have already observed you down before and they feed on that emotion, they leave you feeling like they are the only person who has ever truly understood you.
5. They are threatening you
Once you see them for what they truly are and they know you see them, they will start to use threatening even sinister behavior. They do this to keep their control over you and the verbal abuse comes in torrents that leave you stunned and confused, some resort to physical violence too.
Because of this behavior you feel unable to leave them, you feel stuck in the relationship and can see no way out. There is a way out, you leave, but this is in no way as easy as it sounds. Narcissists can often tell that you are ready to leave even before you do and in preparation for this, they have already started their smear campaign to discredit you to everyone you associate with.
6. They are kind for a short time only
Once the narcissists know that you see them they will revert back to how they were when you first met, kind, caring and loving which manipulates you into thinking that what has gone before was due to them having a bad time, so you are filled with the illusion that everything is now going to be alright.
Once they have control again the real person, the narcissist’s true character comes back and life begins to descend back into hell again at this point you know you need to get out if you are ever going to survive. They are very good at playing these sick mind games and it is not easy to get out of their clutches.